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Before you file for custody, you may consider making an out-of-court agreement with the other parent. Parents often have to be flexible about custody and visitation for the child’s benefit. Parents who fight for sole custody may be in court for months or even years. And they may still end up with some sort of joint custody order after a settlement or trial.
However, sometimes, parents need to file for custody because they can’t agree with the other parent. You may also need to file for custody if the other parent is keeping the child from you or if you fear for the child’s well-being. If the other parent has committed domestic violence against you, s/he may try to keep power and control over you through the child. When there has been domestic violence, joint custody usually isn’t a good option due to the power difference in the relationship between the parents.
Keep in mind that custody court cases can take a long time. Going through this process can be emotionally and financially draining, so please do what you can to take care of yourself. If you have experienced domestic violence, you may want to contact a local domestic violence organization. An advocate there may be able to support you and help you plan for your safety while in court.
You can watch our Custody, Visitation, and Child Support videos, where we explain legal concepts and the court process, to learn more about this topic. You can also read more about safety issues on the Safety Issues section of our Court System Basics page.
In the following sections, we will discuss the steps that generally take place during the custody process. For precise information on how this process works in your county and state, you may want to contact a local lawyer.
Step 1: Prepare for the case.
Learn about what types of custody are available and how domestic violence might affect custody in your state. Think about what you will ask for, what would be best for your child, and what would be safest for both of you.
You can prepare for court by gathering evidence that helps explain why you should have custody. Your evidence should relate to the “best interest factors” that a judge looks at to determine what’s best for your child. You can see How will a judge make a decision about custody? for more information.
Custody cases are complicated, so you may want to get a lawyer. If you can hire someone, you can use this list of questions as your guide when deciding which lawyer to choose. If you can’t hire a lawyer, you may at least want to try getting a free or low-cost consultation to help you make a legal strategy for your case.
Step 2: File and serve the custody petition.
The legal paperwork that starts a custody case is called a petition. You may file your custody petition in the family court or a court of a different name that hears custody cases. Generally, you will file in the county where the child lives.
The exact petition you file may depend on whether or not you are married to the child’s other parent, as you can see in the chart below.
| If you and the other parent are… | Then you can usually file for custody in… |
|---|---|
| married and getting divorced | the divorce case. |
| married but not divorcing | a separate custody petition. |
| not married | a separate custody petition, but legal fatherhood (paternity) may need to be established first or during the custody case. |
Sometimes, non-parents can also file for custody or visitation rights. To find out about filing as a non-parent, go to Can a grandparent or great-grandparent get visitation? or talk to a lawyer.
The custody petition forms you need will be available at your local courthouse. Many forms are also available online. Some courts may have a court assistance officer or other staff who can help you complete the forms you need to file. However, court staff cannot advise or represent you. It’s best to get help from an Iowa lawyer to make sure that you have all of the forms and fill them out correctly. You can use our Iowa Courthouse Locations, Download Court Forms, and Finding a Lawyer pages to find your county’s court, the forms, and local lawyers.
Depending on what’s going on with the child and the other parent, you may be able to ask for an emergency or temporary custody order when you file your petition. That may require appearing in front of the judge. However, in most cases, you will just file the petition, and then the clerk will tell you a date to return to court a few weeks or months later. If your child’s well-being is in danger, make sure to mention this on the petition and notify local authorities as needed. It may also be possible to file for a restraining order and get temporary custody as part of the restraining order.
After you file, the papers will need to be given to the other parent. This is called “service of process,” and there are specific rules on how to do it. You may want to ask the clerk for the instructions on how the other party must be served in your state.
Step 3: Preliminary court dates.
The next step in the custody process is to have “preliminary” court dates. Preliminary means introductory or preparatory. These might have a different name in your state, such as “first appearance,” “status conference,” or something else. They are when certain issues can be dealt with in the early stages of the case. Some of the issues that might be dealt with are:
- problems with service of process;
- referrals to mediation;
- temporary custody and visitation orders; and
- pretrial motions.
During this stage, the judge will often give temporary custody and visitation orders that last while the case continues. In some cases, the judge may assign a guardian ad litem or an attorney for the child.
For more information to help you prepare for the preliminary court dates, go to our Before the Trial section.
Step 4: Reach an agreement or go to trial.
There are two different ways that you might be able to get a final custody order – by coming to an agreement, or by going to trial.
Reach an agreement: In some situations, you and the other parent might be able to reach an agreement (settlement) about your child’s living arrangements. If the judge approves, your agreement could become the final custody order. This could allow you to keep some level of control over the outcome and help you avoid the stress and uncertainty of a trial. You and the other parent could negotiate an agreement by yourselves, with the help of your attorneys, or through mediation.
Go to trial: If you can’t agree or if it’s unsafe for you to deal with the other parent directly, the next step will be a trial. At that point, the judge will make all the decisions about custody based on what s/he believes is in your child’s best interests. During a trial, you or your attorney can present evidence and cross-examine the other parent. The other parent can do the same. If you are representing yourself, you can learn more about how to do this in our At the Hearing section.
Step 5: Options if you disagree with the order
If you disagree with the judge’s order, there are a couple of legal actions you would need to file right away, such as a motion for reconsideration or an appeal.
- A motion for reconsideration asks the judge to decide differently based on the law or new evidence.
- An appeal moves the case to a higher court and asks that court to review the lower court’s decision due to a judge’s error.
Each state has a set time limit to file these actions, usually ranging from 10 to 60 days. To know your case’s exact timeframe, you should ask an attorney in your state.
You might also be able to ask the judge to change your order in the future if there is a “substantial change of circumstances” after the case is decided. You can do this by filing a motion or petition to change (modify) the order. However, usually, this can only be filed under certain circumstances. Here are a few examples of events that might be considered substantial changes in circumstances:
- The other parent gets sent to jail or charged with child abuse or neglect;
- The other parent is not following the custody and visitation order; or
- Your child’s needs change in a big way.
